When a working relationship becomes strained, it is easy to arrive with a conclusion about the other person’s intentions. Preparation helps you decide what needs discussing and what you still need to understand.
Start with the purpose. You might need to clarify a handover, discuss a missed commitment or agree how to raise concerns. Be specific about the working issue and leave room for the other person to see it differently.
Separate the observation from your interpretation
“You do not respect my time” is an interpretation. “The last two handovers arrived after the time we agreed, so I could not finish the checks before the customer meeting” describes an event and its effect from your perspective.
Check that your account is accurate. Were the times actually agreed? Did the other person know about the customer meeting? What information might you be missing? Preparing these questions does not mean abandoning your concern.
A hypothetical opening
Imagine two colleagues disagreeing about a handover. One has been receiving incomplete notes; the other believes the missing information belongs to a different team.
An opening such as “You always leave me to clean up” makes an accusation before the responsibility has been explored. A more specific opening could be:
“On the last two handovers, the delivery details were missing. I had to ask the customer again before I could process the order. Can we compare what each of us understands should be included?”
That question creates space for an explanation. The conversation may reveal a disagreement about roles that needs a manager’s decision rather than a promise from either colleague to try harder.
Prepare a short conversation card
- Purpose: What working issue do I want us to address?
- Observation: Which specific event can I describe fairly?
- Effect: How did it affect the work, and what part is my interpretation?
- Question: What do I need to understand from the other person?
- Request: What would I like us to consider doing differently?
- Authority: Can we agree this ourselves, or does somebody else need to decide?
Choose a suitable time and setting. Avoid surprising somebody with a sensitive issue in front of an audience. In the conversation, listen to the answer before returning to the point you prepared. A useful discussion can change your first understanding of the problem.
Finish with the agreement you actually reached
Summarise the next step, who owns it and when you will check it. If there is no agreement, state what remains unresolved and decide how to take it forward.
For formal complaints or disciplinary matters, use your organisation’s appropriate process and support. This preparation card is intended for everyday working conversations, where a direct discussion is suitable.
Explore Dogfighter and Flight Deck for Haviland’s conflict, adversity and communication development themes.